A Note on Empathy

October 17, 2020. 8:15 am. Two and a half weeks till the election. I walk into a coffee shop, order an americano, and go to pay. The lady making my drink has a sweatshirt on with bold letters - CHOOSE EMPATHY. Half-awake, I blurt out,

“I like your sweatshirt!”

To which she responds,

“Thanks, I feel like it’s something we need, especially during the election.”

Zoom out, I live in Seattle, WA, a blue state. I wonder if she would have said the same thing if I was wearing a MAGA hat.

Regardless, this had me thinking with politics on everyone’s mind and friendly faces reminding us to be respectful and empathetic -- what does it really mean and why does it get thrown around as almost a remedy to the chaos?

I would speculate that people hold empathy on the same scale as being civil, nice, etc. As it goes, it is how I behave around strangers, being cordial. Is empathy really formality or does it go deeper?

One of the most impactful ways I have learned about empathy is through relationships with people that I know and love. On the surface what may be perceived as intrinsic is actually the product of tears, forgiveness, and learning. It is a hard roll-up your sleeve, put others above yourself hard work. I am going to say it again.

Empathy is hard work.

On the surface what may be perceived as intrinsic is actually the product of tears, forgiveness, and learning.

It is not light and fluffy. It is going to the root and growing up to the surface with someone as you endure all the pain without actually going through their pain. It is imaging yourself in their situation yet still having the humility that you might not have all the answers. To receive empathy feels like a hug from a long lost loved one, relief from the tension that was once there, and to be seen and heard.

Empathy is weighty. Often opening yourself up to the real realities of who you are and what you believe to be received and embraced by another person. Give and take baby.

In a world that does not play nice, we need emotion, but we need it to matter.

We need to have held it and been weighed down by it and then pass it along. Empathy needs to be shared with the understanding and wisdom that it is not forthcoming. When it is chosen to appreciate and treasure the emotional effort it takes to reach out.

Yes, choose empathy. Choose it wholly and give it wholly. Not a cheap watered-down version that can be stuck on like a bandaid. Know that it costs us our pride, it means picking up humility and finding the reward of understanding.

In no way do I give or receive empathy perfectly, none of us do, it's a tumultuous endeavor. People are difficult. I hope that these words merely connect the picture I have of empathy in some way with yours and that it is something you always choose.

-tabi